[Rockhounds] Henny Youngman Lives!

[Alan Goldstein]

Henny Youngman might have said these, too:

Mathematical Conversions:

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. The time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement =1 
bananosecond

5. The weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6. The time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = 
Knotfurlong

7. 16.5 feet of silver in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling

8. One half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

11. The shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

13. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone

14. 1 million bicycles = 1 megacycle

15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbird

17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton

19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

26. 4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University 
Hospital = 1 IV League

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Lawrence Rush" <larryrush at worldnet.att.net>
To: "Rockhounds at drizzle.com: A mailing list for rock and gem collectors" 
<rockhounds at lists.drizzle.com>
Sent: Saturday, October 03, 2009 3:36 PM
Subject: [Rockhounds] Henny Youngman Lives!


> Mineral Puns That Henny Youngman threw out....
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> A chunk of Halite walks into a Police Station , and reported that he was 
> assaulted.
>
>
>
> A mineral collector walks into a bar with a pail of crushed limestone, and
>
> says "I'll have a beer, please, and one for the road".
>
>
>
> A Chemist trying to create a transparent mineral stirred Calcite into 
> Sulphuric Acid, but the result was nothing to look at.
>
>
>
>      A mineral collector fell off of a quarry wall, and suffered serious 
> injuries.
>
>      He woke up in the hospital and cried "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my 
> legs!"
>
>      The Doctor replied "I know, that's because we had to amputate both of 
> your
>
>      arms."
>
>
>
>      What do you call a fish fossil with no eyes?
>
>      A fsh fossl.
>
>
>
>      A Chlorine ion bumps into an Iron ion on the street and the Chlorine 
> says
>
>    Are you all Right?.... No, I lost an electron. Are you 
> sure?.........Yes, I'm positive!
>
>
>
>     My portable UV light went dead, so I took it to the hardware store, 
> and got new    batteries, but they didn't work. No wonder they were "free 
> of charge"!  Still, I was "delighted". (My counselor suggested I find 
> another outlet for any anger).
>
>
>
> I asked the bookseller if my latest Fleischer Mineral Species issue was 
> guaranteed.and he said  "Obsoletely!"
>
>
>
> I really didn't want to rappel down the Swiss Alp to find the Fluorite 
> pocket, but I was roped into it. (To appreciate rope jokes, you have to be 
> taut!)
>
>
>
> Did you hear the joke about the prehnite pocket high up the side of the 
> quarry wall? NO? Well, it was over your head, anyway!
>
>
>
> Taking your children mineral collecting often puts them on their pest 
> behavior.
>
>
>
> A collecting friend got lost in a mine, but used his cell phone to reach 
> me at the adit. That was a close call!
>
>
>
> I was wondering why the falling piece of ledge was getting bigger and 
> bigger. Then it hit me!
>
>
>
> The rockhound sat down on his chisel and got a little behind in his 
> collecting efforts!
>
>
>
> He was arrested for throwing dynamite down the mine shaft, but when they 
> saw his gold specimens, they dropped the charges.
>
>
>
> In a recession, the mineral collecting business is always picking up.
>
>
>
> Old mineral collectors never die..they just slowly petrify!
>
>
>
> My digging buddy wanted to join me in my hole, so I gave him an inch and 
> he became a ruler!
>
>
>
> Mineral collecting is a lot like paying taxes.you work hard and end up in 
> the hole!
>
>
>
> While collecting minerals in California, there was an earthquake and two 
> of my banking friends went into default!
>
>
>
> I would like to go mineral collecting in Holland some day, wouldn't shoe?
>
>
>
> (Smile...life is not ALL about Health Care Reform!!)
>
>
>
> Larry
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> -- 
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